I decided to take a chance and accepted my bosses offer to sponsor me to become a financial advisor. I get to study during work hours, for 8 hours, he’s paying for all tests and study material. I haven’t been in school in a long time, but I studied a few years ago to get my helicopter license, so I’m not completely out of practice. I’m getting married this year as well and I was hoping I wouldn’t be putting too much on my plate. I love getting into a flow state of learning how to learn a subject- Its so frustrating at first, and with effort and time, it feels so fulfilling to move forward. I’ve wanted to go back to school for years, but always struggled thinking of school when I need to be working full time. I also am trying to find ways to balance my issues with stress and anxiety, which I’m learning is related to my ADHD.

I have a doctor for ADHD but she’s not very helpful. Most of the time she talks about her ex husband. She’s a character but its better than nothing. The more I’ve been learning about ADHD I truly feel its the answer to my problems. ADHD categorically means you struggle with emotional regulation. My pre-frontal cortex isn’t taking over when it should, and my amygdala runs rampant. For years this has plagued me and caused me to resent myself.

The last 6 months I decided to make change in my life, go for what I want and not let it hold me back. I want to figure out how to truly self regulate so that I can be a better partner, be more effective in reaching my goals, and feel peace.

I also have chronic back pain that is related to a genetic issue that caused my L5 to break. Grade 2 isthmic spondylolisthesis, slight scoliosis, a thinning disc, and now sciatica. I feel like my mind and my spine are the crux that need to be managed so I can step forward instead of a feeling stuck in a stagnant state and feeling very limited.

I guess everyone has weaknesses in how they handle certain things in life. Moving forward my life might just have more rules, and parameters. More intentional practice with emotional regulation, and maybe practicing meditation. I start PT again in a few weeks and I found a doctor that came highly reviewed, and I’m keeping up hope that she will be able to help me manage my back pain and move forward with a stronger core and glutes to compensate for the spinal injury.

I feel like getting through these challenges will hopefully give me more confidence that I can do difficult things.

Wish me luck!