RD Studio

Author: The Ordinary Existentialist

  • Dichotomy of being a woman

    I started writing about my relationship with beauty, and I became newly cognizant of my wounds and how I’ve coped. I spent years of my life hoping for approval, which was probably just looking for social safety. Beauty does not equate to happiness though. Now expressing my experiences of the two different extremes I feel more capable of explaining the pro’s and cons of isolation and assimilation.

    Before I dive into my personal experience, I think it’s fair to discuss my opinions on culture and biology. Humanity evolved partly due to forming communities. Communities lead to safety in numbers, and fitting into a community is a form of survival. Wanting Society or community to accept us or value us is arguably ingrained in our biology. I do not fault anyone for fearing rejection or adapting themselves to their environment. We also have cultural standards that are entirely subjective based on the time. We assign physical attributes to internal traits, thus assigning discipline to weight, or skin color to wealth or status. The differing standards are stark depending on what era or part of the world you are observing. Maybe I find it fascinating because depending on when you are born, you can have an entirely different opinion of yourself. A different life, but look no different.

    I had a hard childhood that contained lots of social isolation and rejection. I was homeschooled for years, I was raised Christian, and I grew up on a farm with two doomsday prepping parents. I had brief stints of socialization. I tried Christian summer camp and a private religious school for a year. Anytime there was any social interaction it was constant social rejection. Eventually my parents enrolled me in public school for high school, and my freshman year was a nightmare. Once I started my sophomore year though, my mom heard I was getting bullied and she invested in clothing and got me a nice haircut. It was one of those high school makeover plot lines, but it was my real life. I got rid of my braces and it was an immediate induction into the social fold. One boy liked me, and it was smoother sailing from there. Although I enjoyed the new validation and acceptance I received, that started a more calculated shift into seeking social approval, and because I had been outside looking in, being objectified felt liberating and empowering at the time.

    When I was in my awkward phase I really saw a darker side of people and I do believe society as a whole subconsciously practices Social Darwinism. I wonder if the social pecking order is a biological congruence we share with the animal kingdom? I would feel essentially told “You don’t deserve to exist”. In essence, that is what social isolation is.

    In my experience people (mostly men) view beauty as a prerequisite for baseline respect. Seeking to fit the Beauty standard can become about safety. It is also maybe a general stamp of approval that you deserve to carry on the genetic lineage.

    As I grew up I got to experience both sides of the coin. I was taught from birth that Beauty is the most important thing. As I grew up and reached that “pinnacle” I dreamed of, I realized, it is just the first rung we must reach, there is a long list of other qualities you must have. I got so many contradictory messages from men, I was sexy and desirable one moment, and a disgusting whore the next. Men showed me that dating was inauthentic.

    When I was 16 I remember hearing that a guy I had never met, told everyone they slept with me. I was never given a chance to deny it, no one believed me. I think that was one of my first experiences feeling violated as a girl and seeing widespread misogyny.

    To many men, women are meant to be decorative accessories or tools to be used at their disposal. Men love to make rules on how women should conduct themselves, but they rarely make sense. I learned that being seen as slutty can get a woman killed but also confused because men sexualize women all the time.

    Being desired felt empowering and fun for a bit.. until it didn’t.

    I saw this image recently, and immediately felt it encompassed the shift I made after that. Sick of being objectified so I hid my femininity, my sexuality, and I wanted to become invisible.

    This was my primary coping mechanism for years.

    I only hid myself because I learned that once you hold societal value then people want to capitalize on it. I know the dark side and the predatory people. One of the biggest sales technique in marketing is “Sex sells” which really is “women’s bodies sell”. Whole economies growing off the backs of women’s beauty. But they really don’t like it when you monetize it.

    When I was 18 I went out and got a tattoo with my cool older sister. When we were driving home she told me a story about when she was young, she had drank too much and passed out in a room. She woke up hearing her friends on the other side of the door auctioning off her unconscious body to the highest bidder. She jumped out of the window and ran away.

    I’ve had to lock a bathroom door and sleep on the floor with toilet paper rolls as a pillow.

    Every woman has a collection of stories like this. I don’t even want to list all the times men tried to take advantage of me, or the ones that succeeded.

    I decided after feeling effectively traumatized enough, that approval by men is a pedestal built on sand and in worst cases it is the predominant tool used to control women. Although I think it may seem extreme, I do believe men use being desired as a tool to diminish or control us. You cannot “win” the game of beauty because there is always another beautiful woman that is different, and novelty turns attention from even the most gorgeous women. It’s like a hamster wheel to put us on.

    I do believe that there is a sense of freedom in to not trying to be beautiful. If the choice is love or hatred, Id rather choose indifference. But in another way, my actions or inaction are not free because I am choosing to act differently because of others. Not seeking approval is one thing, and being afraid is another thing. Hide and don’t try to look attractive. Be a good girlfriend. A good girlfriend doesn’t attract attention.

    After writing this, I realized I was afraid of men. So I am making small efforts to look “nicer” because I equate attention to danger. Last week I made a conscious decision to look nice and put on a dress, and I went to the mall.

    I was walking by a group of mall salesmen. I think they were trying to sell sneaker cleaner, but they’re all vying to get attention from anyone. I kept my head down and avoided eye contact, but I hear this one guy yelling to me “you want a friend?”. Very strange and I just ignored it.

    After walking past them I hear the one guy say loudly ” I guess you have enough friends… Bitch“

    I heard it and there was no mistaking what he said. I took a second, and decided that a man that says that feels like he can get away with it- and he shouldn’t.

    I confronted him and the 5-10 other guys with him. I left the mall and was seething in my car. It felt like a moment where I could’ve said “see? You were right! Go back to hiding yourself, Its safer to be invisible!!!”

    But now that I see it, I wont let little pricks effect my choices in life. Depending on our most extreme moments, freedom can feel like different things. To a repressed Christian girl, sexuality can feel like freedom. To a sexually traumatized girl, invisibility can feel like freedom.


    The world can be a dark place. How we cope with it, is natural, but I will always try to examine the beliefs I have so I do not think my wounds hold the answers. As we age, our bitterness often grows, which means time doesn’t always teach the right lessons.

    For all those formative years of yo-yoing between those social extremes, In the last 10 years I have met so many good people with truly good hearts. I have a great husband that has healed a lot of those dark memories of my past. Having so many genuine connections now shows me what relationships and community can feel like.

    I hope for all of us that we can break away from the ludicrous gender expectations that we have culturally decided. Femininity is not denying our humanity and bodily functions. The idea that we have to earn our existence is hierarchal delusion and psychological warfare. You are born and thus you deserve to be alive.

    Beautiful or ugly- you hold the same place on this planet. No one actually gets decide its validity. Beauty is subjective and ever changing, but we exist no matter the cultural standards.


  • Frozen in time

    My childhood capsule

  • April flowers

    I’ve heard flowers are a lesson in being present. They bloom, and they die. Their impermanence is a reminder to appreciate what a blessing we have now.

    A majority of these flowers bloom seasonally so it is really only enjoyed for this stretch of the year.

    Time is fleeting- but I feel time is honored when I slow down and really see the world around me. I’m lucky that my environment has so much to look at.

  • A practice in creativity

    I thought about how much fun I would have when I was young and me and my sisters would go get free magazines from the library. We had so much fun drawing mustaches and unibrows on every super model on the pages. I also would make collages for hours on end-so I bought some acrylic markers and tried to have fun like a kid, and see what the book brought out.

    This is Not Fashion: Streetwear Past, Present and Future.

    This is one of my favorites I did. I think I like it because these designs remind me of the individual. Maybe it’s their vibes or the look in their eyes that made me pick these shapes- but I feel that it makes sense. Sharp on one side, and smooth rounded shapes for the other. We assign personality traits to people based on their physical features, and I wonder how close I am to who they are.

    My fiance had a pet crow when he was a kid. It had a hurt wing and he helped it recover. Now I always notice crows. I just really like this photo because it has a somber quality and it reminds me of him a lot. This kid skates and is obviously very cool.

    This was one of my very first attempts with the project and I regret adding too much silver. I could’ve done less, but I do feel like the silver makes a statement.

    The design was made by the artist on the left, and my addition is on the right. I wanted to mimic his style and continue the design with the model on the right. It was just blue and very plain.

    Very punk. I thought red lines was the way to go. My favorite part I added was the red devil horns.

    This was surprisingly hard. I didn’t sketch it out first and used acrylic to almost paint this on. I added brick and I wanted it to feel like the tunnels I would drive in when I commuted to Seattle. Graffiti is a big part of a city. It is a subculture and the expression of the streets.

    My addition was the hairy armpit and bush. I think it was an obvious artistic choice on many levels. But a great piece of art- so I didn’t add too much.

    My one regret was including “Misandry”. That was an artistic mistake I think. But I do love the white lettering.

    I do think this book has a special quality that does elicit creativity, but really anything technically works, and any coffee table book is ideal because of the thick pages. I think the fine tip acrylic markers are the ideal choice for a project like this. I got a bunch of thicker ones and barely used them.

    I think this project is fun, and its worth trying out if you feel creatively blocked.

  • A Monk’s Guide to Happiness by Gelong Thubten

    My new favorite book. I have so far started my own personal book club with my dad and mother in-law. I think Gelong has a great way of explaining meditation and his practices in his book are fantastic. I have been using his practices and have felt a noticeable shift in how I perceive my thoughts and feelings. I am not devoid of reactions, but I am more thoughtful and unattached. There is so much wisdom in Buddhism and I do not plan on branding myself a white girl Buddhist- but I will practice it everyday. I don’t know if I am breaking copyright rules- but I just had to share some of his writing.

    Modern Living

    “Modern life tends to be characterized by an overload of busyness and the stress hormone cortisol. A grasping mentality is exhausting, and the things we surround ourselves with to satisfy that grasping also tend to drain our energy. We can reach the end of our working day and feel as though we’ve been climbing a mountain or have been dragged through a series of hedges backward. Our bodies feel wrecked, even though in many cases there hasn’t been much physical activity. It is our minds that are worn out. Nowadays being busy is seen as a mark of success, a badge of honor. We ask each other “How are you?” and we automatically answer, “Busy,” which means that all is well. We live in a culture of doing rather than being. Keeping busy is somehow glamorous; it defines us. Of course, we need to work to pay the bills, support our families, and generally contribute to society. But we have constructed a culture in which we are no longer simply growing the food we need to eat and protecting ourselves from danger; we are now locked into a complex matrix of buying, selling, comparing, insuring, communicating, and endless growth. This system has become exhausting to maintain, the planet is unable to sustain our demands, and meanwhile we run around our cities, busy all day keeping the system running. We validate ourselves through this achievement. The real problem is that we are out of touch with the true beauty of our own minds, as described in chapter two, and so we become obsessed with an identity based on a veneer of external achievements.”

    True, Enduring Happiness

    “A myth we have believed throughout our lives is that we have to “get” happiness, and if we can just get the external details of our lives right, we will be happy. This is not happiness, it is a form of enslavement. We seem to assume that happiness, and suffering too, come to us from “outside.” Surely, however, it is our thoughts and reactions that are the real defining factors. Furthermore, if it’s the case that two or more people don’t always find that the same things make them happy or unhappy, then it means we are talking about a mental experience within us, not the things around us. This book is about turning within and finding the source of happiness that lies inside us. Rather than being a random feeling we might be lucky enough to experience, I think happiness is a skill we can learn; I see it as a product of mental training, and I believe we are hardwired for it at a deep level. Through learning meditation and mindfulness, we can choose to be happy, no matter what. Without these tools, we may constantly find ourselves victims of what might or might not happen. Of course, there are many people in this world going through extremely harsh times, where even the possibility of happiness seems incredibly remote. Perhaps all someone can do is try to survive, but once they have breathing space, meditation can provide them with powerful protection for when they are next in difficulty. This builds a mental resilience that can enable a person to get through even the most difficult situations.”

  • The Internet: Are you using it or getting used?

    I asked myself this question and found my answer to be outstandingly clear. To be an American is to be barraged with advertising, bombarded with bills, and battered by taxes. Everyone feels exhausted and inundated with a never ending to-do list, but end up looking at our phones for hours. We all suffer from phone addiction, which is dopamine rollercoaster and an assault of rage bait, doomsday news cycles, and porn. It all culminates into a feeling of feeling like were all slowly circling down the drain.

    About a year ago I decided to actively limit my time on my phone. I started with taking breaks from social media. After a few months of not accessing it at all, I noticed a huge difference. Now I cant go back. Social media is just one source though. You want to watch anything on the internet or on tv, it’s muddled with cheap content and absolutely no substance. I’ve really reached a resentment for this “profit above all” mentality, and I believe it has permeated into almost all corners of our digital lives. The nature of these platforms are a vehicle to easily objectify and dehumanise our fellow humans. Good looks always make money because they grab attention. So we find women as our best marketing tools but at the cost of being minimised as products. Marketing has advanced so much that you literally can’t avoid advertisements.

    My phone is a direct link to influences and my accessibility to advertisers and digital profiteers. Now anyone can monetize my attention. My time is essentially sold to Tik-Tok or YouTube and my data is farmed and leached by every domain I enter. The app for my car even accesses my photos for some reason. Terms and conditions are my official consent and I usually choose not to know the full violation of my privacy.

    I have so much respect for the foundations America was built upon. Our constitution was created with the best of intentions. Our economy is a mix of capitalism and socialism in a very effective blend. The culture does allow more freedom than most. It is a privilege we have opportunities to make money.
    I live comfortably so it almost feels ungrateful to point out issues. The internet has everything for us, so is is truly bad? can I truly resent a place that can hold infinite options and information?. I do believe in nuance to ideas. It’s not that we don’t have freedom, but that the need for profits are pushing the boundaries of what makes us thrive as a society. If I want to use my phone then my privacy and my time are now at major risks because they have become commodified but not in a way where I make any material gain. I do resent the limitless lengths that marketing and media will go to.

    The marketing of the American dream has made us lose touch and become incredibly shallow. It has us focused on this carrot up ahead – the promise that we can attain happiness through money or status, alternatively we are threatened with living a life of no merit. This American dream feels more like a hamster wheel, and we foot the bill for becoming driven by greed to a dizzying degree. Influencers are a career made by literally by influencing us to buy products. The rich are gifted things, and paid to sell it to us at full price. Are we seen as just a conduit for cash?

    Ai Generated

    I do feel as if money has muddied the waters, and promises freedom for business and commerce, but directly conflicts with the bedrock of what freedom is. Our capital based system influences us and perpetuates a hierarchal structure. Hierarchies are directly oppositional to freedom. I don’t believe we are capable as humans to not create these social structures but the danger is in the extremes- and if we allow unbridled greed we allow corruption to flourish. Corruption feels widespread across industries and the political sphere.
    I do believe the opposite of capitalism does not work. I do not aim to make an argument of communism vs capitalism. We obviously have found success in our economies structure and it’s not truly evil- but maybe that humans seem to have patterned behavior of needing to hoard wealth, and to create structures than perpetuate unequal wealth- seen time and time again.

    I do believe this video is worth watching. I don’t idolise socialism and demonise capitalism, but rather too much of an extreme can have drawbacks. I found it interesting that he said the 1980’s were the shift into a more capitalistic structure. The workforce turning into consumers.

    Noam Chomsky is a controversial person to quote currently. He is known as an acclaimed professor, author, political activist, social critic, philosopher. His opinions on manufactured consent have been very famous. I do not think you need to be a conspiracy theorist to see this as a possibility. Media is a vessel to influence culture and the public, but it is not a clear lens or expression of the world.

    Noam Chomsky had some old emails with Epstein released recently. It involved discussions on how to deal with the media after Epstein was convicted of rape. I have attached the article outlining his conversations because I think they clearly highlight his real distaste is for the media, but not for the media influencing and coercing the public. He is happy to influence and push a narrative that he thinks is better.

    https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/ce9ykjlyv50o

    There’s also a huge factor about health when it comes to being online. All philosophical discussions aside, it is also just incredibly bad for our brains.

    Studies over the years are showing data of how truly damaging it is for our attention, memory, processing capacity, and it is not just figuratively addictive. It feels akin to a drug and apparently it truly is. Our habits shape our lives as well, and habitual phone use is training our minds to crave constant stimulation.

    People make it their job to keep us hooked. It is incredibly hard to fight addictive urges and I constantly fight with myself to stay off my phone and not watch tv. ”

    I do believe that it is not too difficult for educated people to understand how to bio-hack our prehistoric brains. Our brains and bodies are generally studied enough to know its faulty habits.

    The Danger vs Empathy dynamic of the brain.

    Your brain is constantly balancing two major survival systems:

    • Threat & self-protection system
    • Social bonding & empathy system Community and empathy are evolutionary for survival

    Empathy, moral reasoning, and perspective-taking rely heavily on the:

    • prefrontal cortex
    • medial prefrontal cortex
    • anterior cingulate cortex

    These areas help you:

    • Understand others’ feelings
    • Inhibit aggression
    • Make compassionate decisions

      Under threat the Amygdala activation can over-ride  these regions.

    Think about how effective it is to create a bias by painting a group of people as violent, depraved, and a danger to you. With strong enough messaging and fear you can have the threat over take any feeling of empathy. This is helpful for a soldier in battle, but that feature can be hacked very easily. You can see the use of this propaganda model before almost any war.

    Intent and focus can drive humanity to greatness, wherever the intent is it will flourish. I just wish for days where positive impact outweighs greed.

    I do believe that our minds are fallible, our realities are relative, and our time is precious.

    I do not make claims to never use the internet as a platform, and I do not condemn American culture. I condemn the bad actors- and the goal based mindsets that are created when forming a company. The ends do not justify the means. I do think I will create boundaries for how I interact within it. We live in an environment where I can use my free will, and choose platforms like this- to express my thoughts and my free speech.
    I do see the irony of using this platform to speak about the dangers of the internet. But we have reached a point where this is the way to have your voice expressed.

  • Writing Therapy

    I started writing as a way to express my thoughts for my therapy sessions, which over time has become a way to expel the pressure of my own thoughts. I have ADHD, and I’m very philosophical and introspective. In the past, it all just lived in my head.

    Two years ago, I was making a big shift in my life. I was getting over burnout in the aviation industry and realizing my future career wasn’t my future anymore. I was at a point where my foundation was showing real cracks, and there’s nothing like emotional pain to motivate change. Those two years of therapy brought me exactly what I needed. It allowed me to question everything. I decided to open up my belief system and examine it piece by piece. I chose to remodel my foundation rather than rely on beliefs I formed as a child.

    I’ve been on a long search for change and maybe an arbitrary truth. I got some answers when it came to my purpose. I am an artist with a unique perspective on the world. My mediums have been drawing or painting, and now writing. I will probably try any medium that allows me to get my thoughts and ideas out of my own head.

    I have minimal education as an artist or as a writer, but I want to learn how to take you on my journey, wherever that may be. Most artists are simply trying to express exactly what they see. It’s not easy..

    I went through a phase of insecurity recently, where I feared it wasn’t worth writing in a blog if it wasn’t more refined or perfected. I received some harsh criticism, and it made me feel like there wasn’t a point in even trying. I didn’t write for a week or so, but I felt that pressure building. I felt more dull, even angry.

    My epiphany tonight was that my writing is more of a mental health exercise. It transforms my tension into energy. The physical charge I get after speaking my thoughts cohesively makes me feel awake. An adrenaline rush, like I just went skydiving.

    Part of me hopes that I don’t have readers, because it scares me to show up publicly as a beginner. We all know the criticism we face when stepping into the arena. I’d rather not think about harsh opinions while I practice my purpose. I am writing to let myself feel the freedom I love. I’m writing because I have something to say.

  • Drugs and Art: A perspective on Jean-Michel Basquiat

    I went to the MOCO Museum in Amsterdam this October and got to see my first Basquiat in person. The series included about five paintings. Seeing Basquiat up close is the only way you should see his work. You don’t really get the experience through a phone screen; it’s like trying to hear every note in jazz while wearing a pair of Delta headphones.

    What makes it so much more powerful in person is that you can truly see the pressure of the lines carved into the canvas—the frantic scribbling, as if his heart might stop if he doesn’t keep drawing. You can actually feel his intensity and energy through the art, which leaves you feeling genuinely stressed, maybe even anxious. That emotional weight is fully captured within the canvases themselves.

    You may hate it—my friend did—not enjoying the discomfort of being in a room filled only with Basquiat. My very first thought when I saw them was, “Oh… yeah, he’s on drugs.”

    Maybe not a revolutionary conclusion but after doing my research, I was definitely right.

    There are several common factors that are discussed when it comes to Jean-Michel and his unique art style.

    Jean-Michel grew up culturally rich, with a Haitian father and a Puerto Rican mother, and spoke English, Spanish, and French frequently. His parents divorced when he was 7. There was physical abuse from his father but he had fond memories of his mother, as she supported his art and his education. She famously enrolled him as a Junior Member of the Brooklyn Museum when he was six and gave him books like Gray’s Anatomy, which can later be seen as a major influence on some of his imagery. His parents’ divorce, and him getting in a car accident and having surgery at an early age, constant discrimination, and eventually his mother being put into a mental hospital for depression were major parts of his childhood, and the situation became untenable enough for him to choose to become homeless at 15—living in Washington Square Park—or couch-surfing where he could. He chose freedom and found his way to survive as a starving artist. He painted graffiti with Al Diaz around 1978 to 1980, and they produced the “SAMO” project, which was a big part of his break as an artist. It didn’t hurt that they would do their graffiti pieces near well-known art dealers and galleries in NY.

      For some reason, it is rare to find any art critics speaking about his drug use in relation to his art. I personally believe that art and drugs were both coping mechanisms that became entangled. When one is entrenched in emotions and pain, an artist finds a way to express it and show their perspective on the world. With how Jean-Michel conducted himself, he denied societal rules and rules set by the art world. His drug use could also have propelled him to unlock his personal art style for several reasons. The substances he was using were generally stimulants or psychedelics, leading to increased performance in terms of artistic output. Also, from the intensity of his brush strokes, it was clear to me what he was feeling. Intensity is often mentioned in regard to Basquiat, but his intensity and his drug use were intrinsically entwined.  

    I would never state that Jean-Michel Basquiat was not talented in any way, but what I will venture to say is that this should be factored into the equation of his work.

    Annina Nosei found him and decided to sponsor him as an artist. His living situation wasn’t very good, so she allowed him to live at her studio for a while he created his his first collection, until he sold every piece at his first show. Then he was able to graduate from starving artist to tortured genius: money flowing and the notoriety he apparently craved. He was a huge hit in the art scene and created new collections at record speeds.

    He was reported to play his music incredibly loud in his studio and you could hear it in the gallery, disrupting business. But Annina allowed it.  He would play loud rap music and have all his canvases laid out on the ground. He would work on multiple pieces at the same time, frantically running from one side of the studio to the next and even walking on his art. His shoe prints became a defining characteristic of identification. 

    Now, I would say that there are some more realistic portraits that Jean-Michel created, with touches of his usual style. That could be a dichotomy between his sober mind and his manic era. Drugs in high doses over time can also create psychological ramifications like irritability, emotional instability, paranoia, dopamine burnout, and people reported him having incorrect memories. He became addicted to heroin, which led to his early demise. I wonder if there is any possibility of bipolar disorder, or if it was only drug-induced mental health issues.  

    Burning Out

    Anthony Haden-Guest interviewed America’s foremost black artist in the last stages of his blazing trail, as he careened between art dealers and drug dealers

    https://www.vanityfair.com/news/1988/11/jean-michel-basquiat?srsltid=AfmBOopm2i6K8lx4kekKcvKmSgQgt7yuQRRwARarf6JzQvYx7NY9vF7J

    Andy Warhol, Jean-Michel Basquiat, and the Friendship That Defined the Art World in 1980s New York City

    https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2019/07/andy-warhol-jean-michel-basquiat-friendship-book?srsltid=AfmBOoq_eTZiqPDPldXcGHUayBZLcHaUFANSiRewdXaLpeOIVEPQtmIy

    My theory is that Jean-Michel used stimulants to amass a huge body of work as quickly as he could, and I also think he used drugs to unlock his creativity in different ways. Beyond performance-enhancing stimulants being useful for manic creation, they likely supported his personal artistic expression as well. I understand how addictive it can become to feel your abilities unlocked and to feel yourself expressing yourself easier. As his fame increased—he enjoyed partying with celebrities during the golden age of the 1980s club scene.

    Jean Michel had a brief romance with Madonna

    “I would often wake up in the middle of the night and find him not in the bed next to me, but up, intent on painting, at 4 a.m., his face an inch from the canvas, in a trance. I would stand in disbelief watching him get to work whenever something excited him.” – Madonna


    He created over 600 paintings and 1,500 drawings and sculptures before his untimely death. That is from the consistent pursuit of expression of the darkness or tension of his perspective.


    In my opinion, you cannot truly experience his work from a print. You must see an original because it shows the texture of his mania. The pressure and tension of his feelings. A print cannot show you the emotion he infused into the canvas.

    Even if you don’t like his art, art is expression of experience or emotion. Life and feelings are complex, and we shouldn’t shy away from ugly-the worst thing would be art that stirs no thought or feelings. He is famous because he expressed the ugly and made a viewer truly feel something. 

  • Our Trip to the Washington Coast

    We got lucky when planning our 8 year anniversary this year. We were able to combine it with our 2nd set of engagement photos, for a perfect romantic weekend together. Thanksgiving landed on a Thursday, allowing us a long weekend to go on this road trip to Forks/Rialto Beach area. We got a small cabin at 3 Rivers Resort. Which is far from a resort- it includes a warm heater, a disappointing bed, and a diner, with some additional gas station amenities. While waiting for a chicken burger and a loaded milkshake, I looked at a life-size cardboard cutouts of Bella, Edward, and Jacob. There’s a giant sign in front of the complex that says “No Vampires Allowed”. Not much of Twilight was filmed in Forks, but it was all based on the area. The werewolves are based on the Quileute tribe that are native to the land.

    Unfortunately I waited too long to book, and missed out on a nice cabin by the water at Quilete Ocean Resort https://quileuteoceanside.com/

    Next time I hope I can stay by there and enjoy the view and the access to the beach. Still Rialto was maybe a 10 minute drive from where we stayed, and about 45 minutes to Ruby Beach.

    Ruby Beach is gorgeous. The Sea Stacks and the water are a sight. We got lucky on a day that was not raining and not windy, and the sun came out briefly for our photos.

    Getting my photo taken always feel strange, but this process was surprisingly enjoyable. The whole 2 hours felt like 2 minutes because most of it was look into each others eyes, and kissing. My photographer is my friends fiancé’s and thankfully she came along too, making the process as easy as possible. We eventually finished and decided to head over to the Hoh Rainforest- Hall of Moss trail.

    The Hoh Rainforest is definitely beautiful and green. You have to pay about $30 to get into the park but its definitely worth it. I can imagine parking being a problem in the summer months, but we got lucky in late November.

    The Hall of Moss trail is incredibly short and also very easy- it generally seems it could be over crowded or over hyped if not timed well. I love how much online information there is to use. I always bring a Discover Pass with me just incase.

    National Park Service + Alternative hikes from the Hall of Moss Trail

    https://www.nps.gov/olym/planyourvisit/visiting-the-hoh.htm

    https://www.wildcoastphoto.com/blog/hoh-rainforest-alternatives?srsltid=AfmBOortt8BcXpOLf_lZLOwj2uFC-felfMQLifJ6Mg1J2-jY32Y3GTHc

    Address for the Visitor Center Parking lot

    18113 Upper Hoh Rd Forks, WA 98331

    We finished strong with Rialto Beach on our last day

    The power of the waves are intimidating. You get out to the shoreline and I feel like you have to just watch, and appreciate the beauty. Its strong, powerful waves that were surprisingly high. The videos of the beach were my favorite from the whole trip. I also couldnt help but poach some rocks. If you like skipping rocks, go to Rialto for the most perfect flat and round rocks you can find. The rocks are smooth due to the force of the water over time, and you can see the rocks slowly become sand. The progression of erosion is visible and very clear.

    This log on the beach caught my eye. Its such an interesting grain.

    I had walked towards the larger rocks for a better photo of the waves- but ended up walking into a spot in the rocks that was someone’s toilet. There was diarrhea all over the rocks, and even poop high up like someone had perched, or shat horizontally, and there was bits of toilet paper left over. I started to gag as I quickly exited the area.. My guess is someone had an emergency and didn’t have time to get to the bathrooms. At least that’s what I hope..